My Self Doubt Through My Natural Hair Journey
I have been natural for 9 years (since 2012). My hair journey was not always smooth sailing. There are days I had my doubts and had to reminded of my why. There are days I didn't have the support of those around me, and my natural hair was shunned. Disappointed as I was I remembered my why. That kept me motivated for a while.
Then I started job hunting and told myself my hair was not good enough for my interviewer and took matters into my own hands.
The year was 2015 and the company I worked for had restructured and that meant I had to find a new job. For the past three years, I had worn my hair as God had made me and my colleagues were supportive. I told myself that they had known me with relaxed hair so that was the reason they were embracing what I had to offer. Usually I don't care what people think but this time was different to me. We had a lot riding on my employment at the time and I could not fail.
So my self doubt allowed me to start flat ironing my hair to a fault. I got my cousin, who was a boss at doing hers, to also do mine, either in my bathroom or hers, every weekend. I become so obsessed (with long straight hair once again) that I had her teach me to do it myself. And that I learnt.
I flat ironed my way through job interviews and finally landed my current job but that came with a price....damaged hair! Yes, my hair was limp and dead and needed resuscitation. I had a job, I was satisfied, I now needed to fix my hair. I slowly started wearing my hair in its curly, damaged state and two years later, in 2017 I did my second big chop.
I realized after doing this second big chop, the relief and joy I found growing my hair once again. Embracing my "naturalness" again and not looking back. I became more confident and remembered to ignore the voices of doubt. It was a time of growth for me and my hair.
I write this so my story can inspire someone, knowing that you are not alone with self doubting your natural hair. I think more people go through this than they admit to. Rest assured that remembering your why is what will keep you motivated. Keep pushing!